I think I died a long time ago.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
