I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
