I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
