And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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