I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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