My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
