weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
