i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
