dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
