pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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