The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dont even know how to be here
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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