I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
