Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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