i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
