I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
