I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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