All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
