and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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