Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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