I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
