but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
