No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
