Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
