I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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