Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
