The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
