get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Houston, we have a squirter
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
