So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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