just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
