i think my mom watched the whole time
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
