maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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