i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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