Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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