I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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