Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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