hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
