We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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