New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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