I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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