is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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