I feel like I'm in dance class right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
