Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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