I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
