I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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