wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
