I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
