i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will be naked everywhere
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
