We won't sleep together?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
