seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
