Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
