dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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