Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
