made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I pour the whiskey from now on
He shit in the fireplace
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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