Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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