There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
