Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
