dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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