No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
