In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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