I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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