the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
