One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
