Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
