When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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