I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
