Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
