just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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