I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
