the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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