Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
