wanna go halves on a baby?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
